I am ruined for God!
Over the past few weeks since my last post, I've been "worried" about something. Mainly about answering the question: where to next? (after Bible College) I've been trying to avoid the question but every time it crosses my mind I just shriek at it deep down inside me. I haven't understood why until this week.
A few things happened this week which have made me understand how to approach and answer the above question.
1. On Tuesday my Principal shared about her experience in going about God's calling on her life. She shared about how she prayed for one day having 'the nations' and how at that time she didn't know where God was going to take her, or how that was going to happen. But now years later she is 'living the dream' of those nations.
Now this struck a cord with me with my own personal God-given vision and dream. The dream of being an ambassador for Indonesia, it's church and children. But as my Principal was sharing her life experience God was answering my concern or doubt in regards to it. God is saying that I am the God who is able to do all things. I did it for her I am able to do it for you too, as long as I choose to be faithful in shepherding that vision and dream.
2. In my Pastoral Leadership class today my teacher shared about the Pastoral Leadership call. He delved into 'how do we know if we are called into this leadership?' among many other things that were very insightful and helpful. But one thing that stuck with me was when my teacher shared about his journey into how he got to where he is today. This story struck me because that was and is similar to my story and journey. (Recap: year 10 careers test signified that religious leader was my career path. Being encouraged that one day I would preach.) And as all this resonated in my heart, the teacher gave out stickers that had 'Pastor' written on it. Just like the ones stuck on front row seats that were reserved for Pastors in church services. This really just sealed what I knew God wanted me to be and do. And this was definitely the clarity and direction I was looking for amongst my worry and concern over the weeks. My focus is now shifted from no longer on the small details of things that used to worry me to now knowing the greater picture - Indonesia and the children in my heart.
3. To top all these "occurrences" today in my 2nd part of classes, which was about kids ministry, as the teacher was talking and I was fully engaged with the content, God spoke specifically into my ear, which pierced right into my heart and pictoralised in my mind. He said "The children you teach today will be the adults you preach to one day". And immediately the vision I saw was of my sunday school kids 10 years from now and me preaching to them! That has now not only changed me but transformed me!
So I guess in ending this post, I'd like to encourage all of us who may be in a state of worry or concern as to where life is headed, look to God and His Word. Really. He will never fail to communicate to us in one or another where we are headed. And surround yourself with His Word and His people. He will speak through them to reveal to you what your have been searching.
I pray in your searching you will find Him!
Dreaming the Dream.
A few weeks ago I had a dream. I'm not a usual night dreamer (if that even exists) so I really paid attention to this dream. What's the dream?
The dream midway through. I was at home and in the middle of packing, packing whatever I could get my hands on and packing them in a suitcase. I remember I was in my room with my mum and sister. They were helping me get my stuff together. It was all a rush. All I could remember was asking my mum "why do I have to be in a rush mum? Why is this all of a sudden? I don't like to be rushed. I like plans and this was not planned." And my mum just said "just go with it. Eerything will be fine."
Deep down I knew I was packing to go to Indonesia. And my dad was waiting downdtairs of our apartment ready to take me to the airport.
I gathered all my stuff, passport in hand but no ticket! My mum said I'll purchase over the counter at the airport.
My sister and mum took me to the airport and my dad just dropped us off. My dad wished me well and my num and sister helped check me in. Throughout all this I was sort of in a daze. Not 100% sure of what was going on.
I checked in and did all that and in a fuze of all of it, I asked God what was happening. He of course didn't answer. He made me reflect on the events of everything. I observed that my parents weren't going and neither was my sister. I was only going away for less than 1 week. And to Indonesia. It was then after realising all this that I knew that I was going to Indonesia for ministry. What sort of ministry, I wasn't sure.
All I knew was that this dream was the dream God had planted in my heart a few years ago about my ministry with and in Indonesia.
I guess God was reminding me of where God wants to take me and to not lose sight of that. That Indonesia is what God wants to use me for and all I am right now is preparation for it.
Who would have thought that doing the laundry would cause you to tear up?!
Have you had experiences in your life where they cause you pause, reflect and ponder about the path you are in, the journey you are on and the decisions (whether made up in your mind or just a thought or real life decision) you have made? Have you made the right decisions? Have you started off walking in the direction God wants you to be on but somehow you have started making "little" decisions on your own "thinking" that that is what God wants you to do.
It's like a house. (I'm just going to use a house as an illustration) God has promised you a house. A big house with 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a pool, a garden, etc. And so you keep praying about it, faith-filled prayers and believing for God's promise to come to pass and over a period of time God answers your prayers. You are blessed with a house.
So you're at the stage of thanking God for the blessing. You're excited and you're happy for the family to move into this "dream" house. You starting unpacking, putting things into the house. You start arranging how your house looks like. You might even get an interior decorator in your house to help you decide what to do. And all this time you're "busy" decorating your new house, you've completely forgetten about God! You've put Him off to the side because you've already gotten what you wanted and now you're taking charge. And without realising you fall into this cycle of just asking for God's promises to be made known in your life, He reveals it to you, He tells you what His purposes are, you recieve it, you pray about it, you take steps towards achieving it, continue praying about, you receive the promise He made to you but you forget what His purpose for that blessing was in the first place.
Just like the house, you got it and started to make it all about you and not letting God help you decorate the house He has given you. That is our lives. He blesses us, we take control and do what we want with it. And what I'm saying here is not that we shouldn't enjoy the blessing and making it our own but above all that don't lose sight of what and why God gave you that blessing in the first place. God doesn't want to just be the giver of the blessing but He wants to be part if not all of the blessing we receive.
And so this is what I had been reflecting on today while I was doing the laundry. My mind was caused to reflect back on a particular situation that happened over the weekend. I thought it over and over again. I began mapping out my solutions, potentially my "escape" route. But as I was mapping out my solutions and "escape" route, the Holy Spirit kept on prompting me to reflect on whether my "escape" routes reflected what God promised me He will do in my life. And of course, knowing that these were MY own solutions and "escape" routes, they were of course not reflecting God's will. That shattered me. I felt my eyes well up in tears. (I couldn't believe that doing the laundry - causing me to pause and reflect - would have such an effect on me). And so I stopped my mapping out of an "escape" route and asked God what He was trying to say to me through what has happened and asking Him what He wants me to do with what I have done (Bible College)?
That's when He reminded me of a dream I had last week. Actually there were two dreams, where one of them is happening now. The other dream that has not happened yet is the one God is reminding me about. Basically, the dream was about Indonesia, I suddenly had to leave to go to Indonesia for less than a week, without my parents ot family. Deep down in my heart zi knew it had something to do with my ministry.
And so here's what I've learnt through all of this: when God blesses us (me going to Bible College) it's not for us to use for our own pleasures (me mentally deciding what my ministry will look like-Children's Pastor) but rather to align ourselves with His purposes (God wants me to be a Children's Pastor but perhaps not in the way I'd mentally envisage it). Because when He blesses us there is also His purpose in it and behind it. Don't lose sight of that. Always reflect and make sure that our decisions are based on His purposes.
Now I'm not saying that when God blesses us we can't have our own way and do what we want. Again, I'd like to stress on the point that are we aligning ourselves with God's purposes through that blessing? I believe that once we can answer that then we will know whether or not the decision we are making is based on self or based on what God has purposed for you?
Approachable God.
I was just sharing to my tutorial class just yesterday about how the vision God gave me at my first College Chapel experience. The vision of me walking towards God's light and knowing that that light is God Himself. It was an incredible sight but above all that the significance was that though God seemed distant, afar, and what seemed "unreachable" in that vision, the Holy Spirit just reminded me to keep walking towards that light, for it is God Himself. He wants me to draw near to Him.
And this was again reflected in my devotion tonight. I was reading 1 Timothy 6:11-16, where is describes God living in unapproachable light. Now that description caught my attention. Unapproachable light. I repeated that a few times over in my head. Unapproachable light. He lives in unapproachable light. But He is the approachable God. so what I learnt from these Scriptures is that God is in "unapproachable light" in the sense that He is holy, pure, blameless, spotless. Nothing and no one can distain His purity but at the same time He is an approachable God through His Son Jesus. My impurity, imprefection, coloured life has been made a heart and life that is now approachable for God.
And this really made sense for me when I look back and think about my first College Chapel vision. That even though God was light and seemed like He was unapproachable He is actually approachable through His Son and with the help of the Holy Spirit. But most importantly, God was us to approach Him.
So reflect today, have you embraced our approachable God? He is waiting patiently for us to come. Come, come, come my sons and daughters.
Brings back memories and an inspired heart...
When my Assistant Team Leader asked me to send her a slide show of my kindergarten school in Jakarta, I didn't think much of it. I just thought, yes I can do that. I've got video documentation that can help with this slide show. But what I didn't realise was how much I really miss the school, the community, the parents, the teachers and also very much the children.
So the story is the teachers in our ministry in Sydney are organizing a fund raiser where the children will be asked to raise the money through their creativity. And my Assistant Team Leader wants to research some initiatives that can be presented as ideas for the children to choose which one to fund raise for. So my kindergarten school is one initiative the children could choose from to fund raise for.
And so when I started compiling the materials together (a slide show of video, sound and text) I began watching the video documentation that I had recorded myself last year in July, it brought back a rush of memories. With it also a reignited passion and an inspired heart to keep doing what I'm doing now because God has placed me here for a reason. The reason being for these children and God's Kingdom.
So if you're facing some "grey" days right now and need some inspiration or a reignited passion for your call and journey, just look back what God has initially called you for. Talk to the people who have started this journey with you. Pull out documentations (notes, video, photos, etc.) that record your journey and call. It''' inspire you to see and believe that you are on the path you are meant to be on and know that in it God is in it and there with you. Don't get weary, don't get down or tired. There are other people's eternity attached to our decisions to get inspired and to act and to do something. Let's do it!
Available to love.
Blog Thursday 12th May, 2011
Met a lady who was a writer like myself. She's been in the writing industry for some time now. We talked about God, life, journalism industry and we really connected.
She opened up and and we shared our stories. It was really awesome because she was the experienced writer who has been in the industry for a while. And I'm the "newbie" but our perspectives had been aligned.
I really learnt this morning that God will connect us with people for encouragement, support, prayer. We don't know what God has in plan but we need to make ourselves available. Available to bless others because there are many out there who just need us to be available to give, to listen, to love.
...It'll cost you this much...
Got to work and there is news my Monday shift maybe cut because of new management trading hours. At first was really upset and scared about not having the money. After reflection and asking God about why this is happening particularly after today's Personal Leadership class about "Staying Fresh" God answered my prayer. God knew that I couldn't go on functioning just as I am now with almost 4 work shifts a week, full time study and ministry. And on top of that 'stay fresh'. It was all too much and I wasn't focusing on my health-spiritually, emotionally and physically. I want to exercise, I want to read books, I want to maintain relationships but I never have the time.
So I had my concerns about today's classes because I wanted to 'rest' and spend more time on the things important to me and to God's purposes but I also needed the money. And after the news from my acting manager, it seems God has answered!
With cutting my Monday shift, I have time to relax and re-focus. But my income will still stay the same as my Sunday shift is double hourly pay.
I learnt to fully trust God. And I know that today's Chapel Revelation meant my finances. What if God asked me for what I hold dearest too? Will I still give it? I'm learning now to surrender all to God for all His purposes, even if it'll cost me. Because I know what costs me now will only benefit me and my generations later.
What will it cost you?
Chapel Revelation Tuesday 10th May 2011
We sang "Awakening" and there's a line: 'let your will be done in me.'
As I sang that God challenged me and asked: what if My will will cost you Stephanie? Cost you dearly. Cost you what is precious to you? Will you still want My will to be done in you?
This really caught me! Because at most times we pray for God's will to be done in us but often we ourselves stop or hinder God's will to be done in us because we don't want to pay the price. We tend to live a life that always wants, wants, wants. Society teaches a mentality of receiving. Let's upturn this so that God's will is done, really done in our lives!
